The Mermaids of Lake Cane

By Michael Zahn

“Mermaids at night, sailors take fright.”
(Ancient adage that I just made up.)
Many a sailor has gone insane
upon spying the mermaids of Lake Cane.
After a night of too much beer,
these sailors claim that they can hear
the mermaids sing in tones divine:
“Do not fear, the water’s fine.”
In dead of night, in full moonlight,
the mermaids lure the sailors in
with flips of their tails and saucy grins.
As legend tells it, the sailors succumb
because they’re drunk (and also dumb).
Next morning, the sailors wake in their beds
with soaking wet clothes and huge throbbing heads.
Ask them what happened, you’ll only get groans
and pleas that you speak in much gentler tones.
The fable ends here, the moral is clear:
If, while drinking too much Yuengling,
you think that you hear mermaids singing,
and it sets your senses tingling,
let those feelings slide right past.
Ahoy! Avast! A midnight splash would be half-mast.
Batten your hatches! Put down all beers, including Pabst.
Don’t lose your head, set sail for bed,
‘cause the mermaids of Cane are creations to dread.